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The Cardinal Rule of Professional DMs

A few days ago, I was checking Twitter during a rare moment of internet connectivity (I was completely off the grid on a permaculture farm/bnb/communal experiment thing in Costa Rica, but more to the point, I was on vacation) when I saw a message from a name I didn’t recognize. “Hi Kelli, I know you’re OOO, but…” I didn’t read the rest. What I did do was hit the little ‘delete message’ icon faster than I ever have before. Sure, I’ve gotten death threats over stuff I’ve written, but this message had me well and truly scandalized! Fast forward to today. I’m sitting on the bed of my hotel, getting a head start on email catch-up as I wait for my partner to get out of the shower (travel days are okay to work on! But just a little!), when I see the name from the Twitter message. She’s a publicist. Wants to know if I might feature clients of hers in one of my columns. She sent this message, got my OOO, and took it to the DMs. I cringed so hard I nearly popped an abdominal muscle. Now look. Heart to heart, I’m not exactly a portrait of grace. I mess up. I put my foot in my mouth. I use the smirking purple devil emoji inappropriately in professional communications. But here’s one lesson I feel entitled to impart: Never, under any circumstances, message someone for professional purposes on social media after receiving an out-of office autoreply from their email account. If the reasons why aren’t obvious — and to some, they apparently aren’t!—I will list a few below: It’s invasive. Social media side-channeling for professional purposes is (only marginally) okay for nudging someone you’re actively working with, or for getting an email address with which to continue a professional conversation. Otherwise? It’s a total invasion of personal space. Ultimately, a good rule of thumb is to avoid messaging someone you don’t have an established relationship with — whether for professional purposes or personal ones. It’s incredibly rude! Manners are manners, and an OOO is a pretty clear boundary. It says, “Hey, I see that you’re trying to protect a lil chunk of personal time right now, but I don’t really feel like respecting that today.” Anyway, I should have replied by succinctly relaying some version of the above points. Instead, I told her I deleted the DM before reading it. Because, I explained, I was on vacation.